That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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