Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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