if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
