Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
