Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
then he tried to convert me to islam
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
