For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
