found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
