May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
