you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
