are you so shy because you have an std?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
