I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
