I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize