Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
