Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
