Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
