I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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