the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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