she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
