I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I want to walk on stilts...naked
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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