Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
