Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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