Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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