I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
