Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
