Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
