Tell her she can't have a vagina
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
