we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
