You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
