Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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