he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
