dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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