Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
