those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
