I hate your face
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
