my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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