don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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