I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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