and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
