I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
