If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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