I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
