The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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