Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
