I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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