I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
