she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
