Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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