Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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