When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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