how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
