my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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