I CAN MOONWALK!
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
