Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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