I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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