Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
