oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
