he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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