Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
