She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
