Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
