I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
