just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
