I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
