It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
