You're my little dorito
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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