he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
