Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The beer is more important than you right now.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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