I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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