that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
