I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
