this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
