You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
