like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
