So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
