Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
