Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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