Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
