I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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