You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
