you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
