i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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