I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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